phooey

ramblingss..stressed over stupid things

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

man. i think i'm a really easily stressed person..either that or i'm suffering from OCD. my mum very kindly :) helped me wrap the rest of my textbooks on mon but i felt really really disturbed and STRESSED by the 'loose wrapping'. it wasnt loose actually; in fact it was quite tight but i really dunno why i kept feeling tt it was too shiny and distracting and i was getting really irritated by the 'loose' plastic. gee. :(
and i just received an email tt my nametag will be coming soon and i realised tt it would be starting with my name instead of my surname (it's prob my fault cos i always write my name first..and i prob did on the signup sheet?) and i'm feeling kinda stressed by just THAT? omg. wad is happening to you debo!! (and now i'm talking to myself)
internal turmoil internal turmoil internal turmoil..GAHS and i'm feeling so antisocial too. everyday's just study study study! moores and snells have become the 'pple' i hand out with during my hols..boohoo..i hang out with books! omg. how sad is tt man. sad sad sad. test when school reopens and i'm not even quarter through. :(

anyway, last night, after QT, i stayed awake as i lay down on my bed and was pretty disturbed by the fact tt the body is just a body. like where's the (anatomical position) soul? yes i'm like damn weird. geez i'm turing into a med geek. :( i think i must have been too tired..but yeah it was disturbing.. wad triggered me off was the picture of the severed forearm tt we saw last friday and i mean like. yeah wads cut off is cut off so u gotta stitch/join/glue wadever it back. so then does the soul have a forearm attachment? is it modelled after the body? wad comes next? well anyway tt's a stupid inconsequential question but it moved me on to the temporarility (no such word but i dont care) of the human body. i mean yeah. it's kinda wad u see is wad u get. it's like a shell. a wonderfully intricately designed shell. but when u loose a limb, u feel pain, u might get it reattached, u might not..but after that..what comes after that? at the end of the day, we die and that's it. what happens next? what happens next? what happens next?
well, i know what happens next- we get to go to heaven for believing in Jesus and for believing tt we are sinners saved only by God's grace. but u know, much as i believe it, tt's really so much like just a textbook answer tt sometimes we, myself included, are likely to say without much thought. but when i do think abt it, the process of how we actually get to heaven does terrify me still and the only thing tt's keeping me sane is knowing that God is in control of everything and I can just trust in his care. He cares for the silly awkard looking bird, with eyes placed on the peripherals of its head (can u imagine how hard it is to look for tiny brown earthworms in the soil with eyes like tt??). He cares for the lifeless looking (to me at least) plants. so of cos He cares for me!
sounds like a FALLACY (defn: component of an argument that is demonstrably flawed in logic or form, thus rendering the argument invalid in whole; btw fallacies are a v interesting topic! note to self: read more abt this when u're free) but I know it's true and sometimes it's kinda hard to prove everything. the verse i received from tin's mum this morning (she msges me a verse a day) is "You shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free" John 8:32
how timely and appropriate.
you know, if we try to reason out everything, we can go crazy, and i mean crazy by the true sense of the word.
i cant say that i never ever had doubts about whether everything i believe in is true and whether i'm just following herd mentality. in fact, from time to time, i do question myself whether i'm such making much ado about nothing. but look at the world, look at the human body. could it have all come together by chance? by the big bang? by some random fusion and tt formed an amoeba which evolved into a human being? chances are, NO. my God is real!

webo @ 12:32 PM